First and Last Times
by Girls In White Dresses
Summary: Sometimes, first times are endless, there are no last times, and love is forever.


**Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha... if I did, Kagome would have never existed at all, bwahaha! But don't worry. No Kagome bashing up ahead. Read and review please :) Kikyo needs more love!**

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The first time I saw you up close, the leaves were just beginning to fall, and the sky looked like it was on fire. You, too, looked like you were burning, red robe, and those golden eyes that haunt me all too often in my dreams. You were blazing with warmth. I could see sadness, confusion, and passion in those eyes, and I remember it was then that I believed our meeting was fate. That night was the first time I dreamed about you.

The second time with you that I remember clearly was in that boat. The sky was once again red, but for the first time it did not remind me of blood. The sky was beautiful, passionate, and the water was calm and serene. You were rowing, and the boat was gliding gently through the water, almost dreamlike. I remember I had never felt more at peace in my life. When I stepped out, I lost my footing, and stumbled into your arms for the first time. I remember that warmth when you held me, and I feel it now.

The next moment I remember, the warmth is gone, and in its place is a freezing coldness that seeps into my bones. Searing hatred. Freezing me. Eating me up. I wanted to scream. That day I felt my whole world had shattered into tiny, mirror like pieces that reflected my hurt and despair at me. My world that day was like my heart. I though both were too shattered to ever feel whole again. I sealed you to that tree, and I believed it was the end. But the Shikon Jewel heard my heart breaking, and my last wish. Looking back, I never imagined it would be granted this way. And now I know we can never return to those dreamlike moments, caught in the glimmering web of blissful happiness. I know, as much as it hurts me, that you and I will never be the same, that the web has turned into one of darkness, one that whispers, _Naraku. _

50 years has done so much to you, but so little to me. I had though I hated you, but now I realize that I've always loved you. I still do, even after all this time.

Do you?

There is another whom your heart belongs to, and if I still had a heart, it would be broken.

Inuyasha, I'm still in love with you like I was 50 years ago. Do you know that? It's getting colder, and I am ice. I am as cold as I was before I met you.

I am still fighting. Still suffering. The only goal in my stolen life is to kill him. Naraku. The name burns my frozen soul. Inuyasha, I'm so cold.

The next memories, I prefer to think of as one. My time in this body of clay. The moments with you felt like they were stolen, but I cherished them. Even after so many years my feelings haven't changed. You're still my warmth, my light.

But I am neither living nor dead. I do not belong anywhere. I, surely, am a thief. I steal. I've stolen this existence. I steal you from Kagome, don't I? I steal souls. I am unsightly. But it doesn't matter. At least… I got to see you again.

The last memory is now.

When I think of you, Inuyasha, I think of first times. The first time I ever fell in love with somebody, the first time I felt warmth, the first time I made a wish on the shikon jewel, the first time my heart was broken, the first time I felt… human, like an ordinary woman.

This time is the last time.

This is the last time I will ever feel your warmth, and it is the time when I no longer know if the pieces of my heart are still there. I still feel heartache, as I gaze into your eyes and know that this is the last time we will be together, the last time I see you.

I am in this moment right now, where I am dying, body and mind, for the last time.

Inuyasha... I wish I could tell you all these things. I wish I could tell you that I'm sorry. And I wish I could tell you that I will always love you more than anything and everything. It's okay if you couldn't protect me. I was beyond protection, and someone needs that protection far more.

I love you, Inuyasha, so much.

But I can say none of these things as you cry tears that I don't deserve. Golden eyes, still ablaze with warmth, gaze at me with despair, and I find myself smiling.

Did I ever tell you that your eyes are beautiful?

In the end, I have no regrets. I know Kagome deserves you more than I ever did. My only wish now is to be with you a little while longer.

Inuyasha, don't cry.

Because now I finally feel… like an ordinary woman. I feel….

Warm.

It isn't the first time, and it won't be the last time, after all.


End file.
